Can you see the things of God manifest in your life?

You have a beautiful house. Two cars in the garage. Booker and another dog playing inside. Nice tall white walls, a large, clean kitchen. A immaculate living area. A study with books and a desk for writing and a large white baby-grand piano for composing. Surround-sound speakers for listening. Can you imagine your life then? Tall, think, good looking, masculine, muscular, handsome, intelligent, envied, and with a partner that is healed from all fear, that has money out the kazoo and buys you presents and gives you trips and takes care of the services that you longed for that he take care of. House parties with friends of all kinds, Christian friends that the Lord has also blessed. Ministry friends that pray with you and encourage you and make you laugh and confide in you and you in them. God is good. Hallelluyah! 9-13-2014

Blind to see

How are you?

Fine.

How do you want me to help you?

I think, Lord, you know that. 

I want to hear it from you. Sure, make a list.

1. get divorced from Gloria without having to give her any of my possessions

2. Os gets his papers so that he can start his own business and not be frightened

3. i want to be happy

4. i want to understand what I read all of it, especially scientific papers/books/etc.

5. I want to be respected at work and seen well by my peers

6. I want to be used by you and hear you.

7. I want my family to accept and enjoy Os

8. I don't want Os' family to be a burden to me but still see them every now and then

9. I want to look good and lose weight

10. I want to stop being discouraged and disappointed in you. 

I can do all these things and more. Have patience my son. Your life will quickly change and you will know that I am your God. 

Lord, I feel that the innocent part of me was lost with this whole marriage process. I don't trust people, and I hardly trust You. Help me with my unbelief. 

Lord, help me with my unbelief.

can i do anything else, Gerry?

Be my friend, walk and talk with me. Hold me, help me, guide me. 

Listen to me and you will discover things you've never known before. Jesus died so that we can have a relationship. We are here. Thank you for your heart towards your fellow friends. 

I want to know that what I hear is God and not anything else. Favor is in the son of man. Then by Jesus I will live.  

Talk to Gloria

Pray for her. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you want her I find happiness tell her you are blessing her. 

New car?

Lord, what is your will in respect to a new car or vehicle?

God is good. He wants you to make good decisions and be at peace when you make them. Tell me, how much longer will you fight against my will? What will is that? I want you to pray for Gloria. Tell her you love her, but that she can't have the papers through you. Tell her she needs to figure out a way to stay here longer and that she will become someone important one day. Tell her that I will provide for her. Tell her i miss her. Tell her I love her. Tell her my name is great and she will be a star child. Blessings  to you today. 

Rest in the Lord, that you know that I Am doing something new. That I can take you places you've never been. Trust in The Lord. 

I just don't know what you want me to do, Lord. 

Be patient, I will be with you always. 

You are all I want

Father God. 

Have you known a sweeter taste than that of peace Gerry? Place your hand on my heart and rest. Remove all sadness and stress. 

Heavenly Father, I my wait, I pray that you bless me today. Give me the strength to control myself. To speak with clarity and truth. 

Gerry, pray for Gloria. Pray for change in your spirit and hers. Pray that she is given peace about your decision. That it's more comforting that she makes her own way. Please Lord. I pray that this divorce is simple easy and inexpensive. In Jesus' name. Amen!

I Am

You are given peace, joy and love today.  Take heart. The things of this world are pasajeras, they don't last. Lust, gluttony and idols are lies. Trust in The Lord. This is what The Lord says: "I AM. You will trust me and I will lead you. I am your shepherd. I will lead you to waters. Blessed are you who trusts in Me."

Forgiveness

There is no feeling of relief greater than feeling forgiven. When Jesus died on the cross this is what I feel he was thinking:  "Son/daughter/brother/sister/friend, your sins have been forgiven because I love you so much! There is no longer need for repayment for by love I came down so that I may end your suffering, just believe that I have taken down all the obstacles that have kept you from my Father. You are blessed!"

Yearning Heart

Why does your heart yearn? Have you not given me your life already? Be still and know that I am God. That I have your best intentions in mind and that out of me you will bear great fruit. Have you come to look for other things not of God? – Don’t! For God is good and holy and He will be blessed by your patience.

Calling Jesus

Hi Jesus,

What do I feel?  I feel left alone, I feel bored, I feel like not doing my work, I feel like I need to hear from you, Lord. I feel a need. I need to be used. 

Why? Because then I know I'd be doing your will or at least something for your kingdom. 

Ah-ha! So it's not about persuing me, but about doing things? Maybe. I am lost. I felt I had been doing things for so long that now that it stopped, that being needed went away, then what? 

I only can complete you, make you whole. Do not look for things to do or people to help. That will come with time. Just be content to be in my presence (in my courts) and I will satisfy that need and desire you have within you. 

Lord, I ask you to remind me that I am in your courts, in your will. I want to know that you are with me and that you guide me. Do not leave me alone, Lord, for I need you to comfort me in the day to day things of this life. 

Be comforted, my son, for I know this is strange, that you are not tapped into any ministry, but take heart, for I am doing a new thing in you, and it will begin to bud it's roots and after some time will begin to grow above ground and before you know it, you'll have flowers and then fruits. Be patient for I have instructed you. 

I will be patient then, Lord, and wait for your guidance. 

Be blessed my son. 

Boeuf au gibier aux fruits

God has plans that you don't even imagine. Pray that you get revelation of His plans. 

Call Jesus. 

Antsy

I don't know what to do. I'm antsy. I already ate some jalapeño cheese crackers and Reese's peanut butter cups. I also feel dehydrated. I know my body is urging me to do it, but I wonder if I can't take this energy and change it to something more productive. Well it's almost 5:30 pm and soon I'm a fleeing from here. 

I love Oswaldo. He's been so nice to me lately, in spite of the fact that he doesn't help me with bills and sometimes doesn't help me with cleaning the house. He is a very sweet man unless he's upset. Thank you God for the gift you gave me in Os. 

Love you!  Amen!

A new day

Jesus came to them and said, whoever is punished for following me, will see his glory in heaven. Now i say to you, son, be happy and blessed, for the new is here and the past and ill has gone. Do not faint, do not grow weary, for I am with you. I will be by your side and bless you and give your name back. You will have joy and peace that you desire. You will know me better and I will work through you. Pray in the Spirit. 

Blessed are you son, for you know my plans. To take you higher in me, you must first leave your current place. No one grows by staying in the same place, with the same people and the same conflicts. 

You want to be sure that the decisions you are making are given by me? Watch and see, my son, if I will not give you a great blessing. Gone are your days if strife. Let me be your Father who provides and then let's His children be at peace and learn from Him. 

Thank you, Lord Father. 

God has you

You are blessed, in the good way. He has His hand all over you. Trust in The Lord, Gerry. You will know that it is He because He will guide you. I know you feel like a lost sheep, and it is natural, but you will be now lead by the Holy Spirit of God.

I pray that you lead me into your will and your ways. 

You will understand, Son. 

Why doesn't this feel like the God I knew?

He is here with you always. 

I want to feel you so that I know it's you. 

Today is a day of revelation. Pray for it. 

Dream in a different church as a TGPA recruiter

This morning a I woke up a few minutes befoe the alarm like usual when I dream happy dreams. Well I was dreaming I was at a church in Spanish, with a lot of people. I kinda had the feeling they weren't too accepting of gay people. I was there with Os and he was thriving and meeting a lot of the members. In one instance the church had a dance, you know how Latinos love to dance, and Os was dancing with the pastor's wife. I stood there for a second and I thought, what am I doing here? So I left and went to another room with a large living room and a second large room connected to it; it was very open.  In that large room next to the living room there was a windup toy the size of Tonka truck, but it wasn't a truck, it was more cylindrical with small wheels at the bottom and sorta dome-like on top. Well that toy, as I stared at it, it started moving on its own. It literally ran towards me and then back, then there were a couple of small dogs that began to play with it. All happy. My first thought was, how could these things move on their own? Are they possessed?

Then a girl, kinda like the girl from Money Gram at Plaza Fiesta comes towards me and says hi by yelling her name, "America," and she goes into a room that could be a lady's restroom. I want to make a funny and say something like, "land of the free and home of the brave." But I don't think she hears me. 

Then a couple of people come sit on the couch and chairs with me. Two guys I could tell they were gay and we started talking. Then America and another of her friends, a brunette, comes by and sits by me. I start talking to them about the Gathering Place Atlanta. I tell them that they could be gay and Christian. And I show them that we meet a room close by. 

Then I don't remember how but I stand and walk out, meeting up with the pastor of that church, his wife and Os.  The pastor (a man that is a bit older, like el abuelo from AutoZone) gives me a hug, full of joy and he puts his arm around me and we walk out of the building followed by the pastor's wife and Os. 

Has God called me out to seek people struggling with their faith and sexuality? And to bring them to a place where they feel accepted? God I pray that you reveal your plan for me, work in me to love the people that you are calling, like Jesus loved us, and to help me bring them out to a place of peace and acceptence. 

How are you?

I am okay. I felt relieved after seeing PK and Carrie and they weren't angry. My idol is pleasing people. I really need to stop and do what is right for me. 

I have given you not a spirit of fear but of peace, I will work on you. You now can overcome many obstacles that before we're impossible. You will be able to supersede hour expectations of yourself through Me. 

Pray: lord Father, thank you for guiding us where we went tonight. I pray comfort and blessings to my peers and I pray that you bless us and guide me continually. Even if I'm rebellious. 

Thank you Lord. Amen!

Behold, I am doing a new thing

This new thing of God has got me worried. Yesterday, before spending some great quality time with my parents who came to visit for one afternoon, I quit my current church. God laid it on my heart to tell the audiovisual person and the pastor that I would no longer be part of the church. It seemed so odd, so abrupt, but God is doing a new thing. I pray for patience, I pray for guidance, I pray for peace in my heart, because I feel like a whirlwind stirring. I don't know exactly what to do. I'm not upset at TGPA at all. I'm so grateful for everyone and everything that God did through them in me. But it's true, I was no longer being satisfied by God at TGPA. I felt I was doing to do, and not doing out of the response of love that I felt from God. My efforts were no longer being blessed. And God showed me that after 5 years at the TGPA hospital, where they mended me back to health, I can say I am now healed, Praise God! I am complete/whole!

It's time to move on and God will open doors you never imagined. Pray for Pastor Keith as he will need your prayers today.

My son, you are loved. You are loved. Blessed is the one who believes in, confides in and trusts in the Lord. Just as a window is opened to let the air in, so am I opening one so that the wind of my blessings into your life. Lord, I so longed for you so many days. And I felt abandoned, but your Word says, I will not leave you nor forsake you. Continue, Son. I need you Lord. You are my Prince of Peace, You are my shield, You are my portion. Only You, satisfy my soul.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, for His Kingdom is here and His might will reign in the foreign lands you do not know but they do know Me. They Know Me. They follow Me. Wonderful and Awesome are You Lord.

RISE, RISE OH CHILD OF MINE

 (Written earlier as the 2nd or 3rd post)

 CONTINUE TO CONTINUE TO PLAY THE GUITAR

THIS IS WHAT THE SOVERIGN LORD SAYS, YOU, ADAM OF EDEN, COME OUT FROM BEHIND THAT TREE AND LISTEN. I HAVE CALLED YOU NOW FOR YOUR NAME IS NO LONGER DEFEAT, BUT GLORY, MY GLORY, THE GLORY OF THE SOVEREIGN LORD, WHO COMES BEFORE YOU AND TELLS YOU THE TRUTH, YOU ARE BLESSED, AND BLESSED AND BLESSED. YOU ARE BLESSED. CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR TRUTH AND DIVINE APPOINTMENTS. YOU WILL SEE MANY NEW GOOD CHANGES THIS YEAR, DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED, YOUR FATHER WILL SEE YOU. REALLY SEE YOU, NOT JUST AN IMAGE HE WANTS TO SEE BUT HIS GROWN UP CHILD, MAKING A WAY AND A LIFE FOR HIMSELF. THIS IS THE TIME OF THE LORD, TO PRAY TO BE DILIGENT IN STUDY, AND TO ALLOW ME TO USE YOU AND MOLD YOU INTO THE PERSON I DESIGNED YOU TO BE, NOT ABSTRACT ART, NOT CUBISM, BUT REALISM, AND TRUTH, AND YOU SHALL BE CALLED HERO OF THE FAITH. YOU WHO DO NOT WISH TO EXCLAIM MY NAME RIGHT NOW WILL DO SO SOON. MY WORD WILL FALL ON YOUR TONGUE AND MY PEACE WILL FOLLOW YOU WHEREVER YOU GO. YOU WILL BE ZION ON EARTH, YOU WILL GRACE MY PRESENCE WITH YOUR FOOTSTEPS, LONG AND WIDE, BIG AND SMALL WILL COME TO SEE ME THROUGH YOU, HEALING HEALING HEALING WILL COME TO OSWALDO, PRAY FOR FAITH, LORD HELP MY UNBELIEF, IS SO TRUE, I WILL GRANT YOU YOUR DESIRES, YOUR WISH TO BE USED, TO BE USEFUL TO ME, THAT I GUIDE YOU AND YOU WILL NOT WANT. OH GERRY, CAN'T YOU SEE...IT'S ALL PART OF MY PLAN.I KNOW IT HURT, MY SON, I KNOW, BUT SEE YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE WHEN YOU BEGAN THIS JOURNEY. YOU HAVE COJONES NOW, YOU DO. YOU CAN SAY NO TO OS, AND TO DEB AND TO ANYONE ELSE WHO COMES BETWEEN YOU AND MY PLAN. HAVE FAITH, I HAVE NOT LEFT YOU, I CONTINUE TO USE YOU, I CONTINUE TO SPEAK, I CONTINUE TO REIGN OVER YOU. I AM...

THE FATHER IS HERE

The quiet softness of the glow of the air, the amazing bond between the unknown and the known. The newness, the Father, who comes to me when I need Him. He is here. No, I can't feel Him. He's not showing His face, but I know He's working for my good.  I've seen  Him work before. He is a gentleman. But sometimes, I wish I would just feel Him more. Like when I say. Here I am Father, I need you now. I need you NOW.  Do you know how much I need you?

Like a bow to a cello I need you. Like salt to pepper in salad dressing, I need you. Like a cat to it's kittens, I need you. Hello, God? Where are you? Why have you forsaken me? Please? Help! I feel strong sometimes, with this change bs, but I'm not. I'm just waiting for your next instructions. Oh God, can you feel me? Can you feel my spirit? Where do I plug in? 

Ahhhh, I want to scream again! 

JUST AS YOU BE 

No one to impress, no one to follow

This is me. Here. Alone with my thoughts and my mind. A bit of a writer today. I screamed. I ran from myself, my true self. Was it really too hard to imagine that I'd want something different. That I retreat back to my old ways...the ways of overeating and looking at those unmentionable things. Why do I do that to myself. I scream. That's not me. Like Superman when he became bad and he had to scream to separate himself from his bad self. Next is the fight. Well I'm fighting with words. These are my words. No I'm not depressed...I'm finding myself; who is my true self? It is I. I am a country fanatic, not really, but the music stimulates thoughts and the beat makes me continue typing. Yes. I don't care...this medium is a carefree medium. I will allow myself to make grammatical errors and mistakes. If I'm on a role I will just go through. I need to go through...I can't stay where I am right now. I need to jump to the next level. Like Mario, I need to defeat the dragon that is in the castle, the castle of my mind. I need to slay him or jump over him or under him and pull the bridge until he dies in the firey pit, where he attacks me. Well, and come to the next level, even if I'm not where I need to be (where the princess is), I'm no longer on that old level. I'm here, I'm now, I'm me. I'm on another level. I cannot stay where I was, I don't want to continue the cycles the keeps me locked in the castle. I am bigger than that. I am free from myself. I screamed, I cried out loud...I am beating up bad Superman and it feels good. Goodbye condemnation, goodbye overeating, goodbye thoughts of meaningless sex and men. Hello to a newness, a new me, a good me, a proud me, a level above. This is now, this is me, this is great! Hello me!